


Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in Dr. Suess Style

by Katsudon_fatale



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Basically Dr Seuss style prose, Book 1: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Canon Compliant, Gen, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 05:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7346707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katsudon_fatale/pseuds/Katsudon_fatale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The entire first book of Harry Potter condensed into one AABB prose, probably my most ambitious fanfic to date. Obviously my little project won't be as good as Dr. Seuss, but I tried.</p><p>*I try to make my summary follow the AABB pattern I used in the story too, but I can't. Feels like all my brain cells have deserted me. Trying to make things rhyme is H.E.L.L I tell you. *</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in Dr. Suess Style

This story started in a turbulent time  
When evil reigned, and its followers combined  
To purge the magical world of muggle-borns,  
Who they deemed impure, and wanted them gone.

Their leader was called Voldemort,  
A strange name he regretted taking, I’m sure.  
From his servant, he heard of a prophecy.  
'A boy will be my undoing?' He angrily seethed.

He went to James and Lily’s house one night,  
But they would not give their son up, not without a fight.  
‘Lily, take Harry and go,’ James said.  
Then a green beam shone and he laid down dead.

‘Let Harry live,’ his mother pleaded, but alas,  
The dark lord waved his wand, and Lily died at last.  
Little Harry looked up with fear,  
As Voldemort said the magic words and a spark appeared.

BUT WHAT? Harry lived. He caused the curse to rebound,  
And the formidable wizard was no where to be found.  
Later, Hagrid drove his motorcycle through the night,  
With Harry in a basket. Poor boy, sleep tight!

He was left in No 4 Privet drive, a place nondescript,  
While witches and wizards toasted to the boy who lived.  
The Magical world went on, with Harry unawares.  
Ten years had passed, and his birthday was near.

Vernon, Dudley and Petunia never liked him much.  
’Sleep in that cupboard under the stairs, it ought to be enough.’  
They liked him even less when he used his magic  
To vanish the glass, and out came the snake!

One day, young Harry found a letter,  
It was addressed to him - Mr. H Potter.  
Mean Vernon snatched it from Harry,  
And nailed up the letterbox that vert same week.

The letters kept coming, to everyone’s surprise,  
As thousands of owls waited, for Harry’s reply.  
Vernon moved everyone to a house on a little rock,  
‘They wouldn’t find us here,’ or so he thought.

It was almost Harry’s birthday, but no one remembered.  
He could only draw himself a cake, his stomach rumbling with hunger.  
Listen! What was that? Did someone just knock?  
The door broke down, and Hagrid the Giant, appeared through the fog.

He got Harry a chocolate cake, a little gift,  
And was surprised Harry knew nothing, not even a bit.  
‘How can you not know yer a wizard Harry?  
Sit down beside me, and I will tell you a story.’

Hagrid started to speak of brave Lily and James,  
And a wizard so terrible, shh, don’t say the name!  
Tomorrow Harry and Hagrid set off to Diagon Alley,  
Leaving behind Petunia, Vernon, and a piggish Dudley.

Quills, robes and books, the magical street had them all.  
And owls and brooms and wands, as well as so much more.  
Harry bought supplies with money from Gringotts, the wizarding bank,  
And met a boy with a pointed face, who he wouldn’t befriend.

He also got a snowy owl, Hagrid’s second gift,  
Who fluttered her wings and gave his finger a nib.  
The summer passed, and it was the first of September.  
Now it was up to Harry, to find platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters.

Look he did, to no avail,  
Until he met a kind witch, and asked her for help.  
'The platform is behind that wall, just over there.'  
Luckily Harry got on the train, with enough time to spare.

‘Can I sit here?’ A little boy, Ron, asked.  
This was the beginning of a friendship, a bond that would last.  
They also met a girl looking for a toad.  
They would see Hermione Granger again, but they didn’t know.

After a long journey by train then by boat,  
They finally arrived at Hogwarts - a castle of old.   
There they put on a dirty old hat,  
That would determine which house suited them best.

‘Harry Potter, Gryffindor.’  
And everyone cheered, loud as a lion’s roar.  
Ron got in Gryffindor too, so did Hermione.  
He also met a ghost. They are real? Blimey.

When the feast was over and everyone was full,  
Headmaster Dumbledore addressed the school.  
‘Death will find anyone who go into the third-floor corridor,  
But for now it is time for bed, so off you trot!’

Tonight young Harry slept in a new bed,  
Which would be his for seven years ahead.  
Harry started his lessons, some good and some bad.  
And then there was Professor Snape, the worst teacher to be had.

One flying lesson, he was with the Slytherins. Oh no,  
Draco took Neville’s remembrall, and asked him to follow.  
Hermione tried to stop him. ‘Don’t do it, you fool.  
‘You will break your legs, and wrists, and a lot of rules too.'

However, Harry didn’t listen. Story of his life!  
Luckily he was talented, and got it right on his first try.  
Professor McGonagall was angry, but Harry flew so well.  
So she made Harry a seeker, and asked him not to tell.

Later that night, Draco invited him to a duel.  
But he didn’t show up. It was just to get Harry in trouble!  
With Filch following, Harry, Hermione, Ron with Neville in tow,  
Ended up in the forbidden area, unseen by a soul.

They encountered a dog, three-headed and tall,  
What’s under his feet? It was a trapdoor!  
What could the dog be guarding, that they didn’t want Harry to find?  
Through lessons and Quidditch practise, it was on his mind. 

Halloween came, and it was time for another feast.  
Until a troll came, and the conversations ceased.  
‘Where is Hermione? She is not in the great hall.  
We have to warn her, before the troll gets us all!’

Ron and Harry went to find her all alone.  
Turned out poor Mione was in a bathroom, looking sad and forlorn.  
But the troll was here too, howling and smashing.  
Luckily the three defeated him, with teamwork and cunning. 

From then on, these three formed a team.  
Defeating a troll was an excellent icebreaker, or so it seemed!  
Soon, it was time for Harry’s first Quidditch match.  
Get ready, there was a golden snitch to catch!

Suddenly his broom started jerking uncontrollably.   
Another lurch! Now he was dangling off the broom, but just barely.  
‘What to do?’ Everyone asked, and the situation looked dire.  
Thank god for Hermione, who decided to set Snape on fire. 

Harry flew back to the ground, and the snitch came out with a cough.  
Everyone celebrated, but the Slytherins were appalled.  
Later that day, our three friends found out,  
That the secret behind the trapdoor concerned a Nicolas Flamel.

It was Christmas, and there were presents for Harry. Look!  
A flute, a jumper, some chocolate, even an invisibility cloak!  
That night, donning the cloak, Harry sneaked out.   
He ended up in a classroom, with only an old mirror about.

Harry saw his family, his heart’s greatest desire,  
While Ron saw badges and house cups, and he himself admired.  
‘Don’t find the mirror again,’ Dumbledore said.  
‘It is no good to dwell on dreams, it will drive you mad.’ 

Terms started again, and school was busy as ever.  
Finally Harry realised: Flamel was Dumbledore’s alchemy partner.  
He created the only Philosopher’s stone, which could turn metals into gold,  
and produce an Elixir such that the drinker never gets old.

‘Snape must want the stone,’ they reasoned  
when they saw him threatening Professor Quirrell, in the forest forbidden.  
Meanwhile, Norbert the baby dragon was born   
In Hagrid’s wooden house. What could go wrong?

In the end, they sent the dragon off to a better place.  
Then Filch found them! They tried to hide, but it was too late.   
‘Fifty points from everyone, and a detention too,’ Mcgonagall said.   
‘Never have I seen this, four students out of bed!’

Detention happened later in the Forbidden Forest.   
‘Go look for a wounded unicorn, follow the silvery blood.’  
Harry teamed up with Malfoy, much to his anger.  
They came upon a dead unicorn, its blood drank by a hooded figure. 

Malfoy screamed and ran out in fright,  
Leaving Harry with the mysterious figure, who didn’t look too nice.  
Luckily, Firenze the centaur came in time.  
‘That thing want a half life. It is Voldemort’s weakened form you find!’

Life went on, and exams were finally over.  
However, the trio couldn’t rest, nor take a breather,  
For the stone would be stolen tonight, of that there’s no doubt.  
But Mcgonagall will not believe them, and Dumbledore is not about.  
   
Taking the responsibility upon themselves, they headed for the corridor.   
There they lured Fluffy the dog to sleep, and went through the trapdoor.  
They defeated the Devil’s Snare, and found themselves a key.  
They used it to unlock a door to reveal task number three.

In the room were enormous chess pieces, and a giant checkerboard.  
Our three heroes took their place. They must win to get across.  
They won the game, but Ron’s hurt.  
Sadly they had to leave him, for there are still tasks to conquer. 

Harry and Hermione headed on, through the room with a troll,  
and ended up in front of a puzzle, concerning seven bottles.   
Hermione, smart witch that she was, singled out two potions.  
‘This one will send you onward, but there is only one portion.’

Harry told her to drink the other potion that would take her back.  
’Take Ron with you and find Dumbledore. I will go on, and I shall do my best.’   
To the last chamber he went, but instead of Snape, it was Quirrell he saw.  
The jinxed broom, the troll on Halloween… He was behind it all!

‘The mirror holds the key to finding the stone,’ Quirrell said.  
‘I will get the stone, then you shall be dead.’  
‘Use the boy,’ Harry heard a snake-like hiss.  
Strangely, it seemed to come from Quirrell, though the voice couldn’t be his.

Harry looked into the mirror, and saw himself all alone.   
His reflection winked, then Harry’s pocket felt heavy. He had got the stone!  
I must protect it at all cost, he thought, as Quirrell unwrapped his turban.  
There, on the back of his head, a horrible face! A face like a serpent. 

On that day, eleven years passed,  
The boy who lived and dark lord Voldemort, met again at last.  
‘Give me the stone,’ he said, but Harry tried to run.  
‘Catch him!’ Voldemort shouted. The story is getting fun!

Quirrell grabbed Harry, but sprang back in pain, his hands red and raw.  
For in Harry laid Lily’s love, the strongest protection of all.   
Harry put up a good fight, but his scar hurt such.  
There was a voice calling his name, then he didn’t remember much.

When Harry woke up, Dumbledore was there.  
‘The stone is destroyed and Quirrell is dead. The whole school now knows of this affair.  
‘You got sweets, a lavatory seat too.  
Sadly Gryffindor lost the house cup, but what can you do?’

At the end of term feast, Dumbledore said a few more words.  
‘One hundred and sixty house points for Hermione, Ron and Harry, for logic, strategy and nerve.   
Lastly, for display of bravery, ten points to Neville too.  
And now Gryffindor’s house points came at seven hundred and eighty two.’

Even ten miles away you could hear the cheer,  
For Gryffindor had won the house cup, for the first time in years.  
That is how the first book ends, but young readers, don’t mope!  
Voldemort will return, and there are still six more books.


End file.
